Thursday, May 17, 2012
Tomorrow will mark one week since I painfully made the decision to take a break from a man that I can say I love very much. I'm still processing it all, and I continually ask myself about my next plan of action. Each day since last Friday has been hard; the weekend was the worst of it, but I knew it had to be done for the sake of our relationship.
Relationship; camaraderie; rapport, whatever you want to call it. It meant something, and still means something. However, I recently learned that the people you attract and are attracted to during periods in your life are based on your current disposition at that time. So, if you are a broken person trying to mend yourself together, you may find yourself attracting or being attracted to someone of the same caliber; this isn't set in stone, however.
Right now, I don't think I'm close to anything, at least, not as close as I was to him. And part of me wants to reconnect now instead of later, or if ever. I want another hug, I want another kiss, I want another intimate embrace, I want another chance to rest my head over his chest to hear his heartbeat . . . I just want him, but not if he's unsure if he can handle it all. I've asked myself many "What if" questions to which I don't have any clear answers to them as of yet. It's still fresh, ya know?
This was all unexpected as far as me taking the initiative to let things go, but the build up to this was at a slow simmer. I thought that love would transcend it all, and I still do believe that, but you also have to let that love grow into its own. I've held his hand long enough, making sure that everything wasn't too much for him, but one can only do that so much. I can say that we did need each other for the time we were together because we discovered things about ourselves in one another that we may not have noticed when we were with other people.